Hindsight is always 20/20

I'm going to the holiday party. I even blow dried my hair.

Edit: I went and wish I didn't. Should have listened to my gut yesterday when I was talking myself out of it. I got there 5 mins early, was one of 4 people in the hall. Grabbed a table but I might as well have been in Syberia. Managers from other groups walked in, said hello, and migrated across the hall to another table. The only one to sit with me for the 1st hour was one of the admins on my floor because I think she felt guilty. Saw my boss, let her and 2 other women know I saved them seats, they barely acknowledged me and then walked right by my table that I was saving to go sit in the hall. The re were two moments that perked me up. When my boss's boss's boss sat with me and told me that I've been doing a good job and she's happy with the progress on my project and when my friend Kim showed up (who was laid off a week or so ago) with two other guys from work. 

But you know what saved the whole night? When I walked in the door and my buddies greeted me like I had been gone for a month. My little goat child crawled up my in lap and wouldn't leave my side for the rest of the night. This is where I belong. Who cares about what ever else happened tonight. 

I'm not even sure why things are bothering me so much. Do I really care what people think of me? Maybe more than I should.. But I'm at work 50 hours/week. Can't people just be kind. And civil. And actually acknowledge a co-worker's presence? My brain is telling me I feel a little hurt. Like I'm back to being the weird kid in elementary school again who didn't want to sing in chorus with the rest of the girls, who went to catholic school for the first 5 years of school and then started public school once everyone had already established friendships. I feel like that girl all over again. Almost worse than the kid the constantly smells like pee. I want to say I feel like I don't fit in. But I do. At home is the place where I totally fit in. My husband loves me unconditionally as do my kids. Do these other people even matter on the big scale of life? No. 

Here's my speech to myself: So perk up and stop your whining and realize that life isn't so bad. Who cares if people at work like you, people at home like you and that's all that should matter. Get over it. You get paid to do your job, not to make friends. Move on.

The end.