Can I get a do-over, over here please?

I totally want a do-over of today. Let's just start from the top. The kids were a nightmare today. total.chaos. Husband was in a mood, and I get it, we all have our days.. But honestly, sometimes I have enough on my plate trying to manage my own mood that two little opposite astrological signs and an overly emotional sign just don't mix on certain days. And then there's me. All I want to do it get some stuff done. Laundry, cleaning a little, keeping the living room hazard free, maybe make a pair of mittens or finish a Christmas Gift...... please? No, nope, not today for this mama. I had a crying almost 2 year old having constant meltdowns today, his brother punched him right in the face and then the little one took a back fall off the couch, landing right on his lumpy little nugget.

And of course these kids don't nap. EVER. Even when I beg and plead and bribe. Nope.

And I still haven't fixed my iPad so that I can upload photos... Add that on the list of things that aren't going to happen with to wild animals.

But we put up our tree yesterday and today I caught Zachary, my darling little goat/dog, eating an ornament. Like crunching right down on the top of the bulb. Really? I know he's not even two, but what goes through a person's head where they rationalize that eating an ornament might taste good or be beneficial to them in any way? Any why choose a plastic bulb? Was it the shiny blue color? These are silly questions for the boy/dog/goat who likes to rub all his food in the dirt before he eats it.. so in his head, why WOULDN'T an ornament taste good? I should just know by now that no amount of rational thought will be happening with this boy...

Now I'm off to bed since my eyes have been wanting to close since 5pm.

XO

What is Normal?

You know those days where you feel like a bad parent because you look at the clock after a super long day with your chaotic tiny tyrants and realize it's only 5:00 and you still have at least another 2 hours until bath and bed time and you really cannot wait until they go to bed? You do? Oh, well, not me. NEVER. Except that's a lie. It happens on the reg for me and it makes me feel like an awful parent. I find myself questioning why my kids won't just sit at the table and partake in a holiday craft with me? Why can't you both just play with Mr. Potato head so I can put your clothes away in your dressers without having to "nicely remind" (ie. nag) you to be kind to each other and to share. I get it, sharing is not a concept that kids handle well, generally. The whole grass is always greener mentality. I really understand it. I know as a kid I probably went through it. But come.on. We have plenty of toys. More toys than we really need, or even know what to do with. I'm sure we have at least 8 fire trucks and just because your brother has one and you have the other 7 doesn't mean you need that ONE to be happy with your life. He's not going to keep it, I promise. This is my daily life now. So tonight, the boys were playing nicely with each other- which WOAH. Ever since Luke has been going to school, these moments are happening more frequently and it's LOVELY!!! I love when they get along, but you know how it goes, neither wants to nap so now at the end of the night they are SUPER overtired and every little thing that happens is life ending. Zach sat on your head, yes I saw it, I laughed, but now you're saying that he hurt you, but he barely even sat on you... Oh and then he scratched you. Well yeah, ok, I'll take the blame for that because trying to cut his nails is like trying to put a cat in the bath tub - painful and I haven't geared myself up for it. So all they were doing was crying, so Eric, being louder and more stern than me, spoke loudly to the boys telling them to knock it off or they'd go to bed early. They were then told to sit on the couch until they could calm down enough to play nicely with each other again. Giving the boys a common enemy was probably the best idea he's ever come up with - not that he's the first person to do it, but let me tell you, it totally made a difference and we might be using it more often. The boys then fogot about their fued and with common ground of being sad about getting yelled at, they were back to playing. And all that happened in the last 20 minutes of the night. But these apes of mine, they're nuts. Completely nuts. And they never stop talking. I'm not one that likes noise just to have noise. When I get a free minute to myself, I don't even turn the radio on unless I'm cleaning but all these boys in my house need constant noise in their lives... I don't understand it. I need a few minutes here and there just to hear myself think. The little boys just chatter constantly. About random stuff. Because they're kids. And they repeat themselves 1000 times. Playing the quiet game does not exist because they have no concept of what quiet actually is.

So needless to say, today would have been a day for a glass (or bottle) of wine if I drank and to put some ear plugs in and go in a quiet room. But instead I had some pumpkin pie, finished crocheting a winter hat and watched some Street Outlaws, greatful that my two little loves are tucked quietly safely in their beds and prepare myself for another day.

goodnight

Black (and blue) Friday

Black friday started at 4:10am for me. My alarm went off (honestly, the same time as every day but today felt MUCH earlier due to the obscene amount of turkey intake from yesterday) and I headed out with my mom. We has no plan. I knew I wanted to get some things for my "pick." In our house, we pick names among my immediate family- it cuts down on stress and cost- two of the biggest factors to avoid during the holiday season. Anyway, so we decided to brave Walmart. Can I tell you how much of a nightmare I thought it was going to be? I worked retail for a million years before getting the job I'm at now (for the past almost 5 year- woah. Let's talk about how fast that time passed!!!) and I was always the opening person. My favorite Black Friday was when I was a manager at Borders Bookstore. If you don't already know, Borders was the best bookstore on the face of the earth and I miss it almost every single day. I picked up SO many of my craft books from there that it really re-insipred my crafting. OK- where was I? Retail, right. So I had always opened the stores when I worked in retail. There were the occasional years when I was asked to switch to the night shift and I was able to go Black Friday Shopping, but they were rare. When I started this job, I could never head anywhere because others already requested the day off and I had to be in at 7:30. Since I have been going to the gym before work and waking up at 4:10 every day, even though I had to work, it didn't seem like such a big deal to get up this morning. Driving in to the Walmart parking lot I was expecting chaos. Found none. Really, the rush had already passed, but when we got there, they still had the big ticket TV's and all the kids toys so it didn't even seem worth it to camp outside as some people had. We grabbed a bunch of stuff that we probably didn't even need and I obviously picked up some yarn. I mean, really, $1.88 each skein for yarn that goes for $4-5 is a total bargain and I totally needed 15 skeins, right? Actually, after we checked out, I was waiting by the registers and I watched a woman purchase 2 skeins of yarn and actually had a mini-stroke. How do you live with yourself, only buying 2 skeins of yarn? I then proceeded to have an entire mental conversation about how this person at Walmart at 5am wasn't really on top of her game this morning because she was preoccupied with all the toys she needed to get and clearly wasn't thinking when she only picked up TWO skeins because no one only buys TWO skeins of yarn!! She had been up forever and had a mental block. That's my rationalization to myself, why I had to buy 15 skeins, I was making up for her lack of yarn purchase to put the earth's rotation back in alignment and to bring balance to the force. Can you tell the mind wanders at 5am the day after Thanksgiving.

So here I sit. 9:02pm. The kids fell asleep even before their doors were closed and I have basically hidden the bags of yarn under my sewing table because they don't fit in my 36"x84" cabinet specifically made for yarn and I can't even say I feel guilty. I pretty much just speedballed on yarn. Oh, and I totally forgot to mention the 21 skeins of yarn I ordered for 50% off online. Shh... Forget I even mentioned it. What I really need to tell myself is that I need to start crochetting to make all the grand ideas I have planned for this yarn rather than writing this blog... But I've kind of missed writing. Even though this is just ramblings on a page, I feel better when I do it.

Kid story- beware.

When did kids get so smart. My big buddy Luke is too smart for me. I was trying to joke around with him in the car on the way back from shopping with my brother and he was talking about how he was going to run me over with his new front end loader. So I asked if it would smush me, being a big front end loader. And he had this "duh mom" tone in his voice when he answered "it's just a toy, mom." Thanks buddy. Got it. Way to make me feel silly.

More ramblings:
Am I the only one whos kids get more miserable after they nap? Like, is this my life now? Miserable if they nap, and miserable if they don't. A lose/lose situation for the entire neighborhood.... because my little one is like an air raid siren and I'm sure the entire neighborhood can hear him when he's wailing because he doesn't want anything but wants everything and the only thing to snap him out of it is asking him where the moon is, which doesn't calm him down when there are too many clouds and you can't see the moon, and you literally have to drag him outside so he can see for himself. Thank god it was 55 out this evening so it wasn't so bad to let him look outside, but really, what I'm going to do when it's like negative 20 out and he's crying about the moon?!? Yup.

I guess that's enough random thought for tonight.

XO

Giving Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving!!

We've made it through another year (almost)! I've been prepping the boys for a few weeks that Thanksgiving is coming and we're having a big dinner with Great Gram and Big Papa and they are to behave and be kind. I think all of my coaching has paid off! They were absolutely fabulous. I've dreamt up all scenarios from them sleeping through dinner (which would not have been the worst) to being absolutely evil minions with many tears and pushing and beating the everliving crap out of each other. But alas, they were lovely little bahved mini people and I could not be more proud of them. There were no major accidents (aside from Zach taking a bite out of his tongue when he fell up the stairs) and they generally got along. It was really all I could hope for... The worst thing that happened was the self cleaning timer on my 1970's stove decided to make this awful, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad noise. But thankfully my dear husband helped with that situation and took the stove apart and disconnected it! Hooray... but, and you know there's always a but... we found a bunch of mouse poop... Not awesome, but fixable and cleanable. Just hoping my little puppy of a child doesn't mysteriously find any mouse droppings and think they're chocolate sprinkles.... The meal was successful, great company and great conversation. How many people do you know that can actually say they enjoyed an entire day with their families. I cooked the entire meal by myself and felt SO accomplished. Photos of the spread are coming soon. Or follow me on instagram - jenmiller23.

On to bigger and better things, I suppose. Tomorrow is Black Friday and although I basically buy everything online- and I CLEARLY don't need any more yarn, I really want to go to Michael's and pick up some yarn for a sweater for Luke (and some for a sweater for myself.) I know it'll take me a while, but he's been asking me to make him a green sweater for months and I've been putting it off but 30% off my entire purchase is calling my name. Yarn is literally like crack to me. I'm addicted. I can't get enough. I constantly have to buy some and if there's a sale- FORGET IT- I'm like a kid in the toy aisle!

But on a side note, isn't it amazing how yarn can go from just a ball of string to an actual usuable/wearable item with just a little bit of time and effort. I started making a hat last night (finished it this morning) and like a magician, with a few waves of a magic stick it became something! I'd post photos, but my everything is acting up. I'll post some in a few days once I clear up the issues.

For now, that's all. Have a lovely relaxing weekend- be safe out there!

I always say I'm back

I always say I'm back... but I never really stick around long enough to do much. Life gets in the way of blogging for me. I have a full time job as a Projects Specialist at an asset servicing company. Sounds super fancy, right? It's pretty legit. I'm also a mom to two of the craziest boys I have ever met. So that's a 2nd full time job. On the side I run Jade Monarch Designs on etsy. It's been pretty slow going lately, but no big deal, right? I'm a busy lady. I have also been creating items to donate to Knots of Love- an organization that provides hand knit/crocheted items to cancer patients and blankets to babies in the NICU. That pretty much sums up my life right now. When I'm not wiping snot off my clothes or cleaning up pee on the floor, life is pretty good.

Right now, I'm sitting in Starbucks trying to recover from my evening. No, not partying. I spent the night with my (almost) 2 year old sleeping (aka tossing and turning and playing with my hair and picking at me) on me on the couch. I give you credit you co-sleeping parents. There's nothing like getting punched and kicked all night by a 25lb creature from another universe. Because honestly, in the middle of the night, kids are from another planet. Not only do they not grasp the concept of time, they have zero regard for anyone else. So because I spent the night (not) sleeping on the couch, my darling, angel 3 1/2 year old decided that 4:30 was a great time to break out of his room and grace his brother and me with his presence but promptly dropping a matchbox car on the floor while entering the living room. Needless to say, with my lack of sleep I was not a happy camper this morning... Which continued when I asked my midnight attacker to put his shoes on so we could leave the house- the boys to their grandma's and me to work. I get it kid, I really do, I hate shoes too. But it's 20 out and you need to wear them. And yes we're going to grandma's because I need to go to work, and no I don't care that you don't want to go because I don't want to go to work either. If my biggest issue in the morning was because I didn't want to go to work, I'd be pretty happy, but no, that's not my only worry. 

Everyone says that the second you become a parent your life changes. It does. But not in the way you think. You have these little people (or one little person) and they are now the center of your universe. Which is awesome. I'd tend to think of myself as a pretty independent person, I don't really require a lot of attention and usually don't need anyone to help in my day to day. With these little humanoid creatures I'm told I had a hand in creating, I am constantly needed, called, picked at, pulled at, but more importantly, told that I'm loved, hugged and once again needed. Not only have I become a personal servant to two little tyrants, I am the booboo kisser and the owie-make-better-er. You constantly have to worry if your kid(s) poop during the day, if they're getting enough to eat, if they're eating too much, are they growing, are the things they are doing normal? How long does teething really last? How much dirt can one kid really consume without internal organ failure? Is there some rare condition that can contract from dipping their ice cream cone in ketchup and bbq sauce- because ew. Am I messing you up in ways that are irreparable? Are you going to grow up to be a good person? I'm doing all that I can to make sure they grow up in an environment that encourages talking out our problems but some days, I just want to sit on the floor and cry just as long as they do... But parents are supposed to have self control, right? nah. We're just doing what we think is right. Don't get caught up in the facebook syndrome of comparing yourself and your life to others. What works for you might not work for everyone. Someone will always have something negative to say about the way you do things and anyone who tells you that parenting is a piece of cake is full of crap-o-la. What I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall during their average day- I bet it's not all sunshine and unicorns. I too often watch others tear each other down, I'm an Instagram girl (@jenmiller23) and the amount of negative comments I see on other's photos is horrifying. I use mine to keep in touch, to share funny tidbits of my life. I'm not perfect, I'll never claim to be. I'm just doing what we're all doing - #wingingit.

I want this blog to be about my craft but it will probably contain a lot of antics about my kids, my life, my thoughts on the world with possibly a little bit of crafting mixed in. Let's all just spread the love and not worry about what we look like to others. Let's celebrate other's achievements and be on board when people make life changing decisions rather than just openly and harshly criticize. I just want to make things that make people happy and be the best mom that I can be. That's not too much to ask, is it?