Post Christmas

It is the Monday after Christmas and it's 7:15am and the kids are still sleeping. I think it's safe to say, we've officially wiped them out.

We had SO much fun this holiday weekend. It started with playing at the playground for most of the day on Christmas Eve - and honestly, if you're from New England, that was a gift in itself. 

It has NEVER been 70 degrees on Christmas Eve before, with no trace of snow in sight. I had taken them on a little run before the playground. Pushing 60lbs in a stroller while trying to jog is NO JOKE. Gotta get back to the gym if I'm going to make that a habit.

Christmas Eve night we went to my grandparents house for a party. We have italian food and a pot luck and a yankee swap- even my two littles bring a gift to swap. We have so much fun teasing each other about the gifts and swapping. I think this year was great, we all got what we wanted for the most part.

Then Christmas morning happened. Santa had come the night before and delivered a few presents to the boys. Luke was SO excited. It was the first year that he actually understood what Christmas and Santa were really all about. 

I have all the chaos of the opening of presents on my camera, so I'll have to transfer and upload later, but oh my it was fun. The squeals that came out of Luke were so adorable. He was so excited to get the few trucks he asked for. Santa also brought some games and the 4 of us actually played together, which was a big feat.

Grandma, Grandpa, Grammy, Papa and Uncle Josh joined us for dinner of Manicotti, Meatballs and Sausage and I made up some bread to go with the meal. It was so nice. No naps for the kids, but they were SO good it didn't seem to matter much.

Saturday was filled with playing with new scooters at Great Gram's and Big Papa's house. We had a picnic outside (seriously though, this New England weather was AMAZING this weekend) and were outside for most of the day .

Sunday was filled with cousin visits and, again, playing outside at Big Papa and Great Gram's.

What better way to end a beautiful Christmas Weekend!

Now there's snow in the forecast for Tuesday morning which is a total bummer, but the weatherperson said that most of the snow will be washed away by tuesday night so I have my fingers crossed for that. Hopefully it doesn't turn to ice, the storms in Oklahoma look like an icy nightmare right now, so I'm hoping it doesn't turn into that!!

I'm glad it's all over. We had fun, but it was nice to put the tree away and get our house (and lives) back to normal.

It's almost 7:30 and Za-zo is still in bed. Send good vibes that today will be a good day for us- Dad had to go to work, so I'm tackling this alone after a long weekend of fun!!

XO

Thoughts on being an early bird....

I'm an early bird by nature. That is for sure. If I had an option to get all of my daily tasks/errands done before 10am, I totally would. I was going to the gym at 4am every day. I loved it. But then my kid decided that he was going to wake up shortly after me and basically wake the entire house up... So we're still working that out. Plus I was sleeping through my alarm, which hello, clearly means I need more sleep. Or better sleep. Or quality sleep. But what is that anyway? My darling Lucas is like his mother. Up before the sun rises and ready to tackle the day ASAP. The other two boys in this house, not so much. I mean really, as a full time working mom, shouldn't I enjoy the moments that my buddy crawls in bed and wants to snuggle and watch cartoons before the world is awake? Yes. The answer is yes. But honey, 3:30 am for firetruck noises and making blanket forts in my bed is just a tad early. I'm an early riser, but I don't need our two other guys to be woken up to all that commotion. Nevermind our downstairs neighbors, (aka Grammy and Papa) to be woken up by what sounds like an entire heard of elephants clomping around the house. But how to harness their energy so early in the morning. Seriously if it wasn't a bother to others in the neighborhood, I'd totally go outside (aside from the fact that it's freezing out now) but they're like wild banshees outside and 7am might warrant a police visit. But seriously. There are only so many things to do with kids who are awake before the sun. Although, here I sit, wide awake at 2:34am.

I could never imagine 9am being early. 9am feels like I've already been awake half a day and am ready to keep my fast paced, getting crap done mentality going. I know people who think that 9am is even too early for a "Good Morning" and don't really function until well after noon. That is such a foreign concept to me.

Let's just hope that my oldest stays in bed a while and I didn't wake him when I crept across the hall to the couch because I couldn't sleep. Sorry buddy, it's totally my fault that you are up before the sunshine, but could you please keep the fire truck noises to a minimum..

xo

There's always so much to do

So much to do, so little time. I feel like that's the story of my life. I'm sitting here, working from home, feeling like I should put laundry in and make something while working but I have my little guy snuggled up in the crook of my legs, watching Tangled. Sometimes I forget to be in the moment. To forget of all the things that need to get done and just sit. And enjoy time wth the boys. Because the amount of time they'll want to snuggle will surely start to dwindle and I'll think back and probably miss it. So I've decided to just stay put, forget the laundry, the crafting, just sit with my little guy tangled in my legs while watching Tangled and do some work on the laptop.

Time just goes by so fast and by the time you stop to look around, so many years have passed its hard to remember exactly what happened when. Like how is my oldest 3 1/2 and my youngest almost 2? I remember when my little Zachy was born and now he's a walking, talking, jumping, eating machine. We're always so busy but yet not busy. They are always busy busy busy but we are home a lot. Not that that has anything to do with anything.. But by the time they go to bed at night, I'm basically ready to fall asleep, leaving absolutely no time for anything.

Well, the snuggling lasted 5 minutes, so I guess it's time for laundry and crochet.

Edit: We saw Star Wars tonight. Uh-maze-ing. That's all I'll say about that.

This post is super late because I forgot to finish it yesterday and then we went to the movies last night..

Maybe I'll write about my smelly sick kids later. That'll be interesting for you all I'm sure.

Oh- and I'm making a promise to myself to crochet something for Knots of love once a month. I'm almost done with a sleep cap. It makes my heart happy to give items that I make to people in need.

If I remember, I'll post a photo when I'm done. It's just a simple cap.
XO

Christmas is -a-coming.

Today Mom and I took the boys to see Santa. They are so well behaved. We always go to the same candy store where you can bring your own camera and take as many photos with Santa as you want. Zach was a little nervous, but was a good sport about the whole thing. Luke cheesed it up like the ham he is. The we spent pretty much the rest of the day at my grandparents. I am so happy that I have the ability to bring my two little boys over to see my grandparents. I love that the boys constantly ask for Great Gram and Big Papa and beg to visit. Last night, I had to move my car back into the driveway (you know, parking ban and all even though it's 60 out and on plows will be coming down the street) and Zachy wanted to come outside with me. It would have taken me less than 2 minutes to move my car. Well, my less than 2 minute task turned into an hour because my little boy with only jammies and socks on decided he'd like to see some Christmas lights, so I took a spin around the block because I'm totally a sucker for Christmas lights. As we turned back onto our street to park in the driveway, little boss man decides to break down into tears because he wants to go to Great Gram's house. He's begging and crying and pleading with me. So what am I supposed to do? Of course I took him to Great Gram's house- jammie clad and shoeless (and jacketless- but it was 50 out so...) We showed up, he gave hello hugs, played toys, got a few cookies and was ready to go. Apparently he just decides to make himself home there. 

And then after Santa time, we went over there again. These boys are my outdoor kids. The second they get there, they go in, say hi and then head right back outside. I mean, seriously, does it get any cuter?

On a side note, I made these cute little scrubbies- I want to make so many of them. I might post them to etsy so keep a look out!!

This is my night- making up some etsy orders, making something for the boys and then packaging up something for my friend who is on business in India- because apparently they don't have electric tooth brushes and fingernail clippers over there.... WHAT?!

Until next time,

XO

Hindsight is always 20/20

I'm going to the holiday party. I even blow dried my hair.

Edit: I went and wish I didn't. Should have listened to my gut yesterday when I was talking myself out of it. I got there 5 mins early, was one of 4 people in the hall. Grabbed a table but I might as well have been in Syberia. Managers from other groups walked in, said hello, and migrated across the hall to another table. The only one to sit with me for the 1st hour was one of the admins on my floor because I think she felt guilty. Saw my boss, let her and 2 other women know I saved them seats, they barely acknowledged me and then walked right by my table that I was saving to go sit in the hall. The re were two moments that perked me up. When my boss's boss's boss sat with me and told me that I've been doing a good job and she's happy with the progress on my project and when my friend Kim showed up (who was laid off a week or so ago) with two other guys from work. 

But you know what saved the whole night? When I walked in the door and my buddies greeted me like I had been gone for a month. My little goat child crawled up my in lap and wouldn't leave my side for the rest of the night. This is where I belong. Who cares about what ever else happened tonight. 

I'm not even sure why things are bothering me so much. Do I really care what people think of me? Maybe more than I should.. But I'm at work 50 hours/week. Can't people just be kind. And civil. And actually acknowledge a co-worker's presence? My brain is telling me I feel a little hurt. Like I'm back to being the weird kid in elementary school again who didn't want to sing in chorus with the rest of the girls, who went to catholic school for the first 5 years of school and then started public school once everyone had already established friendships. I feel like that girl all over again. Almost worse than the kid the constantly smells like pee. I want to say I feel like I don't fit in. But I do. At home is the place where I totally fit in. My husband loves me unconditionally as do my kids. Do these other people even matter on the big scale of life? No. 

Here's my speech to myself: So perk up and stop your whining and realize that life isn't so bad. Who cares if people at work like you, people at home like you and that's all that should matter. Get over it. You get paid to do your job, not to make friends. Move on.

The end. 

Realizations

today was our division holiday party. I'll touch on how everyone is offended by EVERYTHING at a later date. But anyway. We had pizza delivered, an ugly sweater contest (4 people participated) and a dessert competition, the norm. But every time I find myself in these situations, I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. I don't want to sit in there, I don't do well with small talk, I don't really have anyone that wants to sit with me or be associated with me. I've come to the conclusion it must be me. I'm bad at faking it. I'm bad at pretending to have fun when I'm clearly not. I don't get along with people that tend to sabotage me at work, so why am I going to be friendly and converse with them? Makes no sense, right? Maybe if I were friendlier or could actually fake it, I'd be happier? Probably not. Being fake isn't who I am.
I've lost friends. Who hasn't? Is it my fault? Maybe. Mostly I get tired of people lying or pretending or Faking it. You can tell the people that either only hang out with you because they feel "bad" for you, or the people that think they can get things from you. I want to hang out with people that value my time and, most of all, me. It feels awful to be taken advantage of. I'm crafty. I always try to help others, but when the only reason you're visiting with me is because you need me to make/do something, I get tired of it. Friendships, like any relationship, are a two way street.
I can't even count the number of times I've tried to make plans with friends who never get back to me and then pull the "oh my! We should get together" on social media. What's the purpose? I'm also thinking of stopping my Facebook again. I'm so over it. Most of my "friends" didn't reach out in the past 2 years when I deactivated last time so why does it matter now? Again, maybe I'm not putting in an effort? I make the initial contact, I reach out, but no reply so I stop. Then the little comment comes again and I'm back on the self doubt wagon again.
It's a viscous cycle and honestly, I don't care anymore. I have my husband, my boys, my family and very few friends. Isn't that ok?
All of this is cropping up because we have an after work holiday party tomorrow at a hotel.. I always feel out of place. ALWAYS. I don't belong. And that's ok. I have only a select few people at work that I want to talk to. I'm a loner. I always have been. I flit from circle to Circle with no place to call "home." Just like high school. Maybe I'm better at this faking it thing than I give myself credit for.
#pityparty
I don't really talk to anyone. And the people I do talk to, I talk about the boys. And who really wants to hear about them all the time. But they're really what I live for. I talk about the tiny tyrants like everything they do is bad, but all I want to do it snuggle and play and be with them.

All I've come up with, in the end, is that the common denominator is me. Maybe I need to change.

I'll give it some thought.

This is also the post I was thinking of before I published my last post. 2 posts in one day! I think I've met my personal goal for the week!!

XO

Living on coffee and hope

I'm downing an extra large coffee at 2:07pm because I've been up since 11:30 last night. I know parenting is a challenge. Totally. But I'm convinced my kids, who are finally and strangely getting along, are plotting against me. I've been a light sleeper forever. I guess it's just in my nature. Since having kids, I've been even more alert while I sleep. Both boys were wide eyed and bushy tailed at 5:32 this morning. We even took Luke to the store to pick out a clock for his room, and unless he had to pee, he was told not to emerge until it read six-oh-oh. I mean, really, is 6am so much to ask? But these hellions of mine decide to play with the noisiest toys and make the loudest fire truck noises before 5:30am that I think someone might call DSS on me. Because what am I doing wrong? Just be quiet and sleep.

I had a whole list of things I wanted to get out when I thought of writing earlier and now they've just vacated my head because lack of sleep. My brain function tends to diminish after being awake for more than 24 hours (aside from a cat nap). Obviously not much sleeping going on when I'm up with a 22month old (ok, he's almost 2- I'll stop with the months when he hits 2 because that's SO annoying) who decides to kick me off the couch so I make a bed on the floor and he started snoring as loud as my husband so no sleep was to be had THEN(!!!!!) he falls off the couch right on to me..... So I move back to the couch and make sure he's nice and cozy on my bed on the floor and then not even 5 mins later stands up and decides to lay on the couch with me again. At this point I'm hugely debating getting rid of our couch and trading it in for an air mattress... But who wants to sit on an air mattress? No one, that's who.

And really kid, you've basically been wrapped around me all night, could you please just let me take a shower? No, you're going to cry and kick and scream at 6am? Thanks. I need a break and I'm crabby and whiny and this isn't the way I was hoping to start off my Wednesday.

Here I am half way through Wednesday and I'm already looking forward to bed time. Hence the coffee. I love them, I really do.

And if I read over this later, it's probably so disjointed and doesn't make any sense, so I'm just going to hit publish and leave it at that. Because I'm tired. And no one is reading this yet anyway.

Let's hope these kids are behaved and go to bed at a reasonable time tonight.

XO